So...

Some thoughts.

On school.
It is really a shame that many teachers (in existence at this moment) are incapable.  Sorry if it offends anyone, but this I have learned from my own experience.  Many teachers complain of students' lack of interest in their subject.  What they should do instead is consider the merits and demerits of such comment (I would like to hear of the merits, I cannot think of any), and then conclude that the reason why students have little or no interest in their class is because they way they teach, to be frank, is irresistably boring.

Interest does not exist where there is no substantial reward.

This is not to say teachers are incompetent (though some are, I believe), it is just to say that much reconsideration must be done on how they teach.  (On the other hand, comparing the present and the past, students were quite a bit brighter in the past.)

Which reminds me, many people seem to think education is a responsibility. If you believe so, you are simply mistaken. It is a privelege.

If nothing else, the one thing you need to learn in school (people have twelve years to do this, and somehow some people still never get it--unfortunately some pass their lives never learning) is to appreciate what you have.

On the environment.
I have come to the conclusion that "save the environment" is quite paradoxical.

When one says "save the rainforest," I do not think they are saying what they mean.  If we were to preserve the rainforest, we would naturally be doing nothing; a preserved rainforest is one which humans have done nothing to it.

Nature itself has no reason or value.  It is natured varied by humans (to better suit their purpose) that has value to protect.  In my opinion, this is quite idiotic.  When we say "we need to save the rainforest" or "we need to save nature," what we actually mean is "if we don't stop destroying the planet, we are going to screw ourselves."

And to say a bit more, when most (do realize I did not say everyone) say "save our planet", most mean "you need to save our planet."  Basically, a lot of people know it's a problem (obviously the the occurrence of floods in areas which in recorded history never has had a flood is, though understandably subtle, a sign that something might be wrong), but aren't willing to do the dirty work themselves.

One last thing.  Many seem to consider the extinction of the human race to be the end of the world.  It is not.  Nature will move on, perhaps happily, even without our race.

On international affairs.
It is amazing how shameless some people are.  Enough said.

Enough of the Ugly Cow

...that does not (after careful observation for five minutes without blinking even once which leaves your eyes dry) after all look like a cow.  Well wait, maybe it does.

An eternal quotable:

A conglomerate of higher and abysmal truths are incapacitating me ostentatiously by caressing my cardiovascular system (I'm sure he intended to say heart) slowly and gently from my armpits. 

--A retard in my psychology class

I have to admit, that was the most clever thing he said during the six months in my life that I shared a class with him.  Needless to say, I am quite sure I'll never see him again in any of my classes--or even on campus, to be exact.

Borrowing Dr. Nakagiri's (the professor) words:

If you think you're the biggest idiot in the world, be comforted.  You just found a bigger idiot.

The Difference

A man who worked for the Japanese Airlines in the first class cabin had the opportunity to talk to the founder of Honda (he'll be referred to as Mr. H).

Cabin master: Good afternoon, Mr. H.  May I ask you a question?
Mr. H: Certainly.
Cabin master: How do people become wealthy and successful as you?
Mr. H: Let me ask you this, then.  Have you ever seen a cow?
Cabin master: Of course, Mr. H.  I have, many times.
Mr. H: So then, can you tell me whether its ears or its horns are more in front?
Cabin master: (ponders) No sir, I cannot.
Mr. H: See, those who become successful know to observe things others do not.

<Later when Mr. H is getting off the plane>
Cabin master: Excuse me Mr. H, could you tell me which is in front?
Mr. H: (smiles) Which do you think?

<<<>>>
This makes me wonder; even though the cabin master was laughing that Mr. H probably didn't know either, I am thinking that he meant something else.

Just for the record, the horns are more in front. (Proof as follows.)

A rare (?) update

How interesting it is to wake up in the middle of the night from a dream that you never expected you would ever be having.  But then, that may be the whole point of having dreams.  I am beginning to wonder whether it was my unconscious telling me to realize something.  And then, this also raises the question of whether one's unconscious creates a character of its own.

Honestly speaking, though, I have to admit that it is in no way an "unrealized" realization, but a realization "well realized" but intentionally tossed into the abyss of my memory.  But just as a certain memory proves uncertain, a lost memory may never truly be lost; it only needs a grain of anxiety or apprehension, a morsel of carelessness to find its way of coming out to the fore.

As much as I fear and realize that this will cause misunderstanding, I guess I find myself in an irrational necessity to explain, and thus I will.  And I want to ask, with my greatest sincerity, to understand that I am not attempting such a ridiculously idiotic explanation to worsen unhealed wounds or to rewake settled (or muted) animosities.  Let me also mention, that I had been, for several months, debating whether or not to do this, as the past can never be mended.

As much as one tries, enmities formed once never completely dissolves.  I cannot proclaim this as a universal fact, however; in fact, I can only, with proper right and absolute certainty, say this for myself.  Even then, I believe this to be something one should always remember; as an old proverb states, "a friend lost is a friend eternally lost."

I then come up with another question to ponder.  What exactly is a friend?  I apparently define a friend as something far more artistic (artistic meaning something far too idealistic and contrary to reality) than most are capable of being.  I cannot deny that I myself am guilty--but I (as all humans do) think that some incidents were not of my doing--and that I, indeed, had done all I could within my capabilities.  Unfortunately, though, "trying" seems to have gone out-of-style recently.  That is reasonable, however.  Consider this.  Which takes more effort, failing and apologizing, or trying not to fail in the first place?

There seems to be an unwritten law in this world stating:
"He who hath apologized shall be forgiven."

Let me give you my opinion: Apology renders no consolation if an apology is not sought.  Besides, most people believe too much in the power of words.  Sadly, most things are won through words, and this is all due to the fact that humans are powerless without words.  I believe that to be universal, and I laugh to myself as I find myself speaking of the vanity of human speech with words.  How ironic.

I am often asked whether I believe that my decision to move back to Japan was a good one.  My answer is simple, there was no "good or bad" situation in the first place.  Even if there was, I would have answered that it was a good one.  It is not a matter of "time will tell," either--it seems like I had realized what the "feeling" that I had been having ever since was as soon as I got into my freshman year.

But it still yet is not the time to speak of that; things must come in proper order.

I remember my first day in an American school.  As a matter of form, everything went well.  Then again, one could possibly argue that every aspect of my life has, by ritual, had some success.  But then, do many people know what it truly means to be a foreigner?  To be a stranger in the country he has spent most of his life in? I don't mean to make a huge deal out of it, it was my decision in the first place.  And what's even worse, the true dilemmas, the worst mistakes were those which I believe I made myself vulnerable to through my attempt to get along.

I would like to think myself more mature than the retarded teenage drama that often consumes much valuable time.  It is very embarrassing for me to reflect on myself and find myself being controlled by its erratic tides.  Obviously, what enabled me to realize this, and to evade repeating it was my recent decision.  I am more than proud to inform you that this is the (second) best decision I have made in my life.

I remember being at Saigling--things were much more simple.  But then, it is interesting how humans know how to discriminate before they know how to respect.  Maybe it is an inherent human characteristic for people to spot and fear differences.  However, I must add that this was on a hilariously immature scale--Nothing ever really meant anything.  At least, not to me--but then, I am finding myself increasingly incapable of admitting meaning in the stupid trivial details in life.  Do not get me wrong, I am not really fond of nihilism, and it is not that--it is just that I am trying to cherish the truly meaningful things I have culled from a larger mass of things that, if I wasted an unreasonable amount of effort, I would be able to find a little tiny grain of meaning in.

I will save my breath and disregard my three years at Haggard; there are obviously many things that happened that I can recall (let me tell you, my memory is quite good), but not many things that are worth noting on this occasion.  Though that might give an impression of three long years wasted, that is not true--it means exactly the opposite.  It means three long years utilized, but I will leave you to create your own explanation for this.

I again find myself chuckling to myself--how ridiculous it is to try to summarize 7 years into one xanga entry!  I would probably be able to write an entire book. But whatever.

It seems that everything began to change at Vines.  The inception?  Not really sure.  The cause?  Even more uncertain. 

But what I know for sure, is my painful realization that there is always a necessity to doubt someone, no matter how close they are/act.  Do realize that I did not put "act" in parentheses but together with are--I meant to put those words on an equal level.

Sad, I know.  I recall gawking at my peer when she told me (this was during elementary school) that she only had two people in her life she could trust.  Then, in my naivete, I believe that humans were born good and grew up enhancing the good within them.  I realize this to be otherwise.  Humans are born bad, and only those who are educated to be good become good--obviously, it is more natural to behave like a savage creature.  How much life would be easier if one could live like an animal, I do not know--I doubt wolves know inhibition, I doubt dogs know how to lie.

What's even more sad--I realized this at Vines.  And let me tell you, my thoughts get easily affected by building structures (I'm being sarcastic if you couldn't tell).  Obviously, I am finding faults in the relations I have had.  And even though one could attribute most of the faults to me (I do realize this), I wish sincerely that more people realize their own.  Curious how it is much easier to find faults in others.

As I keep pondering over and over--these thoughts haunt me night and day--I begin to realize the biggest fault I have.  I never really built any emotional ties--ever since... Well.  Whatever.  It does not really matter anymore, does it?

Speaking on two dimensions (one being literal and the other being metaphorical), I guess one can most easily compare this with injuries.

A bruise heals in a relatively (important word) short time and usually (important word) leaves no marks.  A minor cut heals, similarly, in a relatively reasonable amount of time and leaves little, if any, marks.  A stab, however, never heals.

Never mistake a wound closed with a wound healed.

Anyway, as this is getting insanely long, I should round it off.  If anything, let me say this: the things mentioned were in no way meant to be critical, as I (with my realizations) believe that the only person worthy of my criticism, and the only person that I can rightfully criticize is myself, and only myself. 

I would just like to humbly ask you to reflect on yourself.  Do you have any faults?

Bah Bah Black Sheep

I finished reading Camus's "L'Etranger," E. Shusaku's "The Sea and the Toxin," and M. Yukio's "Music".

All of which were intriguing; I can't help but to think that humans are probably one of the ugliest things around (granted, the books do not necessarily lead the reader to infer that).

And also, it leads me to think that the true crimes that humans commit are inherent to their existences--not their actions.

But... enough philosophical thought.